Illuminating Trauma-Driven Spirituality
From Magical Thinking to Magical Living
We live in an extraordinary era where an array of spiritual and magical practices—ritual, meditation, manifestation, divination — are readily accessible to anyone with an internet connection. This has catalyzed a collective inquiry into reality creation, human potential, interconnectedness, and life’s purpose on a grand scale, promoting inclusivity and diverse perspectives. Platforms like TikTok offer tutorials on making others instantly fall in love with us or manifesting bags of money with green candles, while meditation and vision boards have become as commonplace as Netflix subscriptions. Amidst this, there can be a tendency to feel pressured into engaging with certain practices just because they have benefitted other people. As an energy worker, I've encountered many clients relieved to discover that meditation isn't necessary for finding healing and spiritual connection. There are myriad ways to nurture these connections, tailored to individual personalities, neurotypes, circumstances, and preferences.
I view social media's role in spirituality as a profoundly positive shift that fosters deeper connections with ourselves and others. However, I believe there's always room for nuance: Would addressing the trauma underlying feelings of unworthiness be more beneficial than resorting to hexes to make someone fall in love with us?
While a green candle might attract money, will it truly enhance our resourcefulness, skills, and meaningful societal contribution? Will it calm our nervous system, stimulate creativity, and affirm our sense of belonging?
The answer is nuanced. It depends on the energies driving our magical activities.
Though every step on a spiritual journey is sacred, meaningful, and necessary, a discerning approach can be invaluable.
Why It’s Vital to Avoid Masking Trauma as Spirituality
Magical thinking, disguised as spiritual practice or faith, often stems from unresolved trauma. It becomes a coping mechanism for lacking internal and external resources, self-esteem, and self-efficacy. Highly mood-altering, it fosters feelings of connection, power, and bliss even in dire circumstances.
However, when spirituality becomes a coping strategy, it mimics the effects of any other addiction—social isolation, poor decision-making, financial instability, avoidance of responsibilities, strained relationships, and physical and mental health issues.
Therefore, it's crucial to distinguish traumatic responses and maladaptive coping mechanisms from spiritual practices aimed at deepening our sense of connection and meaning.
Here are five common transitions from trauma-based spiritual pursuits to authentic magic with beginner-friendly practice recommendations.
Five transitions from spirituality as a coping mechanism to embodied connection
Projecting my desire onto life vs. Aligning with life as it presents until desirable events naturally arise out of this alignment.
The passionate plea for life to “Give us what we want” suggests a perceived gap between my current self and a future self possessing the desired object, whom I view as superior. Longing maintains this gap, while expecting God or Life to fulfill our desires implies a lack of trust in our own ability to create them.
On the other side there is the option of aligning with the current again and again until what I desire naturally finds me without me needing it to be there. Aligning with the current means trusting that God/Life intimately knows our authentic desires, and we are already progressing towards them. Thus, every step we take is a step towards them, even if we might be taking the scenic route and not the straight path that would make us feel more certain and comfortable.
Trusting is invaluable, but few of us are fortunate enough to naturally possess it from the outset.
If, during our formative years, we've experienced unmet needs or erratic fulfillment, likely from having to prioritize meeting our caregivers' needs beyond our capacities as children, we develop mistrust towards the world. We stop anticipating good things and become accustomed to feeling under-resourced. This can make it challenging to even attempt to fulfill our needs, as we fear disappointment or further hurt.
In such situations, we must remind ourselves that while it's natural to project the qualities of our caregivers onto our relationship with God or Life, it's a faulty equation that we must disentangle to progress.
Practice suggestions:
While energy work can become more complex, it can also be effective when straightforward and simple. Begin by creating two imaginary bubbles, each at arm's length in front of you. Place the energy of your parent(s) in one bubble and the energy of God/Source/the universe in the other. Try to sense an essential color for each bubble. Then, start separating the colors, pulling your parent’s energy out of God’s bubble and vice versa. Set the intention for your relationship with both energies to update. Now connect both bubbles to the core of the earth by creating a pipe made of green light and let everything that is not authentic and current for your relationship with both drain out of the bubbles.
Write down attributes for God/Life, being mindful of other people’s emotions and thoughtforms.
Feel into the energy center at the top of your head (your crown chakra). Imagine having a dashboard that could regulate this energy center like a piece of technology. On the dashboard, there are several buttons that modulate the amount of resistance you experience towards your reality. You can find buttons with labels like: “only open to what validates me”, “only open to what doesn’t trigger my anger”, “only open to experiences that reaffirm my low self-worth”…(they will be unique to you) and then you can see a button that says: “open to life as it is”, which is the most transformative setting available. Press this button and observe or sense how your crown chakra responds. Does it alter its openness, color, or vibration? Take note of how it feels to operate with this setting and adjust it as needed throughout the day.
2. Overtaking responsibility for everything and everyone vs. acknowledging the complex nature of consensus reality
Self-regulation and taking responsibility for one’s emotional experience are rare in dysfunctional family systems. While there may be adult unicorns raised by hero time travelers from the future, most of us were raised by people whose nervous systems were deeply affected by our collective history's hardships and lacked the capacity to offer healthy, attuned, and contained care.
The result is emotional immaturity, leading to disowning problematic emotions and behaviors, projecting them onto the child: “It’s your fault that daddy is angry now, look how your bad behavior is making mommy stay in bed all day again!” A child, unable to grasp the dynamics behind such statements, feels unintentionally responsible for external events. Thus, they develop a sense of magical responsibility for their environment.
This lays the groundwork for simplistic interpretations of New Age axioms: "My thoughts create my reality." While our internal configurations influence reality more than materialistic world views suggest, it's a complex process. We are co-creating reality through the complex interplay of our mind, body, and energy body – in synergy with all other beings and within the framework of a consensus reality.
If we choose to explore this process consciously, a dialogue is essential. Crafting and embodying intentions through thoughts, words, and actions while recognizing we're not solipsistic islands is key. While I may be an emanation of God, I'm not God. I don’t control anything in my reality, not even myself, and certainly not other people. Each action elicits a response in my reality, and I must accept this response as part of my reality – and most importantly act on this response rather than my overlay on reality.
Yet, once we acknowledge reality creation isn't a temper tantrum and we can't always have our way, profound magic can emerge. While working on this article, I took a walk in my neighborhood, pondering how lovely it would be to show my cat more of the nature around the house. He's not the leash-walking type, so I let the thought go. That evening, he followed me to the exact spot I had envisioned, then back home. He has never done this before. This instant manifestation was my heart's desire, devoid of resistance. Still, I recognize that it differs greatly for things with more attached stories/unmet needs/pain/identity constructs/generational karma, and that's okay. I can still marvel at the unbelievable magic happening around me.
Practice suggestions:
Ask yourself: how would I feel/ what would I do if the thing I’m currently working on/desiring for my life would never change? Imagine a life without that thing. Feel the emotions that come up. Walk yourself through the process of grieving what could have been. If appropriate, allow yourself to move into acceptance. How does it feel? And does it change the longing in any way?
Now ask yourself: How would it make me feel if I couldn’t control anything in my life? Name the emotion: perhaps…powerless, scared, trapped… and go on to ask: When have I felt like that before? Close your eyes and go back to the scene that comes up: What happened, how old were you, who else was present…Enter the scene as the adult version that you are, connected to the safety of your current environment and ask that version of yourself: What do they need in order to feel safe? What can you bring to the situation now for it to feel more resourceful, more empowered…? Get creative and spend some time crafting a resolution and being with that scared aspect of yourself. Telling it that you have more power now and they can relax.
Clear your throat energy center and the connected so called telepathic channels by letting some golden light drop down from the center of the universe in through your crown and let it wash through your throat, jaw and ears, washing away all foreign energies, constructions and blockages. Set an intention to practice your listening skills and become mindful of when and where in your life you tend to assert yourself or speak, because there is a subtle fear of really listening to what another wants to express.
3. Delusion of controlling reality for safety vs. remembering innate power and sovereignty
The impulse to control reality shares its roots with the desire to control other people. This form of control strategy arises from the various stress response pathways in our nervous systems. If I've learned to manipulate situations to meet my needs by pleasing others, I may struggle to accept what I deserve simply by being myself. This could result in fear-based barriers that hinder opportunities from entering my life.
How does this affect my relationship with God? I might consciously or unconsciously strive to meet God’s expectations, believing that “good things only happen to good people”. I may attempt to conform to an image of what I think God expects, mirroring the dynamics of trying to please a parental figure.
Similarly, there are individuals who express anger towards the sky, committing acts that defy the natural order of life, attempting to assert control by instilling fear and pain.
Conversely, there are those who refrain from seeking anything, avoiding experiences that could even bring them into contact with themselves or a greater power: such as stillness, silence, intimate connections, or intentional ventures beyond their comfort zone. These responses align with the patterns of the freeze/fawn/fight/flight instincts.
So what lies beyond the impulse to control reality? It's about recognizing our inherent power by recalling our birthright. It involves tapping into the archetype of the baby, the soul's arrival on Earth, and recognizing the profound connection between the individual and the planet, with Earth rejoicing upon receiving each new life.
It's about attuning to the power inherent in our existence:
Choosing what we focus on
Letting go of what is no longer needed
Experiencing and allowing genuine need and desire
Attuning to our emotional resonance or discord
Initiating action in the material world when inspired
Receiving what we are given with appreciation
Giving what comes natural to us with grace
Voicing our truth with embodied resonance
Envisioning our heart’s desire
Radiating our beingness
These capabilities are innately human and present from infancy through adulthood. While they hold immense power and potential for shaping our personal reality, they do not necessarily dictate it. They are direct expressions of our innate potential, whereas control often operates indirectly, with ulterior motives. It's the distinction between wielding a magic wand simply because it's there and it's fun, and wielding it because we feel like we need something else beyond the joy of playing with the wand.
Practice suggestions:
Reflect on these 10 inherent human capacities and your personal relationship with each of them.
Identify your default stress response. How do you typically react when your needs aren't met? Do you tend to people-please, criticize others, become excessively busy, or distract yourself with work or physical activity? Alternatively, do you tend to dissociate and withdraw from intimacy? Reflect on how this response pattern reflects your relationship with Life itself.
Tune into your solar plexus chakra, located at the nudge of the ribs. Visualize this center with two openings—one facing the front and the other facing the back of your spine. Open this center to approximately 50 percent and sense the increase in energetic traffic of both input and output. Next, connect this center with your root chakra, located at the base of the spine for men and between the ovaries in women. Envision a golden figure-eight enveloping and linking both chakras. Notice how the golden energy harmonizes the two centers, and affirm to yourself: "My needs are met."
4. Following ready-made paths with “spiritual hustle culture” vs. being open to what life has in store for us
The intersection of capitalism and spirituality invites much contemplation. While there is merit to the democratization of spiritual practices, which are now accessible to all regardless of tradition and formal training, everything comes with its shadow aspects.
I believe that the accessibility is an inevitable consequence of humanity's evolution towards higher frequencies, fostering a deeper awareness of energetic currents.
Yet, amidst this shift, spirituality risks becoming another instrument in the pursuit of capitalist gains. The landscape has changed: it's not just about the grind, the networking, and the meticulously crafted resumes tailored to corporate expectations. Now, we harness energy manipulation techniques to manifest quicker, more abundantly, almost fearing falling behind in the ever-accelerating rat race for more more more. Our bodies, minds, and now our consciousness are all embroiled. There can be the pressure of meticulously curating our thoughts and feelings, aligning them with capitalist objectives that arise out of fear based life trajectories. Even moments of mindful appreciation for beauty are often captured for social media. Every insight, every moment of connection can quickly become something that can be somehow sold.
I don’t see sharing beauty and wisdom on the internet or participating in commerce as problematic at all. In fact, just withdrawing and not participating in any way can be just as driven by fear and pain. However, the issue arises when everything, including every aspect of our very being, is commodified.
Ultimately everyone of us is on their personal quest for freedom and abundance in life and there are no one-size-fits-all templates for escaping the all-encompassing commodification of consciousness. However, I am absolutely certain that genuine connection, joy, meaning, and abundance exist beyond the realm of commodification and overexposure. Everyone has the option to ask God/Life to reveal the path towards it and follow the breadcrumbs, persistently clearing what’s in the way.
Practice suggestions:
Once more tune into your crown center and ask yourself: what is my crown being dominated by right now? If there was an emotion, thoughtform or a person’s energy running the show, what would it be: what color, texture, sound does it have? Does a specific person in your life come to mind? Turn up the volume of that energy and feel into how it colors your whole experience like a substance you have ingested.
Wash some golden solar energy through this energy center and let it clear all foreign energies and blockages, including the energy you have identified.
Choose a color that feels expansive, joyful and authentic for you and let it “run” your crown just like the energy from the first practice used to do. And sense if and how different you feel with this setting.
Stand up and stomp your feet on the ground, imagine opening them up towards the earth. Close down your crown chakra to 20-40 % and feel yourself move deeper into your body and your current life while maintaining the connection to the flow of energy in your crown.
5. Attachment to spiritual practice and identity as a comfort blanket vs. letting connection go through death - rebirth cycles
Once we felt held by belief, by meaning, a crisis of faith can be one of the worst pains available to us. Everyone who is on a journey of finding meaning in life beyond their own satisfaction and survival will inevitably run into something outside of themselves, but connected to themselves.
This discovery (while being life-shattering at times) is so profound because it is at its core an experience of profound connection and belonging. For many, it's their first experience of pure connection in their lives. This is why religion and spirituality are so prone to become addictive.
Perceived separateness is part of the game we explore here on earth, and moments of transcending this separateness, moments of directly touching oneness and seeing how all of it plays together into this magnificent harmonious symphony, are immensely blissful and can be the one thing keeping us alive in impossible situations.
However, engaging with physical and relational life in a meaningful life is immensely complex and difficult, and I believe that it’s impossible to do it in a way that doesn’t sometimes take away our faith.
Just like everything, it has to die and be reborn as something new from time to time. When we hold onto the joy we have once experienced during our moment of transcendental bliss, it can lead to convincing the world that it’s real, that we have found it and that in a way… it’s ours.
We have seen a lot of tragedy happening because of that in our collective history. And even today, people are still being killed because others feel the need of imposing their faith onto them.
The only way of staying connected with magic, with meaning, with oneness….is to let the connection die from time to time. A rigid identity of being spiritual and magical can be just as damaging and limiting as chronic nihilism. Meaning will find us if we want it or not. There is no need of holding onto it. It’s okay to just be confused and scared and small and give Life the opportunity to find us again and again.
Practice suggestions:
Reflect on the following questions:
If I weren't spiritual, I would be...
If everything was random and lacked higher meaning, my life would be...Allow yourself to explore the emotions that arise. Consider whether these feelings may stem from past experiences rather than fear of the unknown future, and be open to experiencing them fully.
2. Once again, focus on your root center, located between the ovaries for women and at the base of the spine for men. Imagine this center with an opening facing downward, toward the earth, and gradually open it up to approximately 30 percent. Notice the increased flow of energy, both incoming and outgoing.
3. Shift your awareness to your feet and visualize energetic roots extending deep into the earth. Feel the connection with both the earth's energies and the collective human root system.
Parting words
Life is humming with miracles. Each person, event, and idea that crosses our path aligns perfectly with our internal landscape, offering the potential for mutual healing and evolution. This realization alone embodies a profound magic, illustrating the meaningful organization of life's currents in a tangible way. Just consider how romantic partners often mirror aspects of our primary caregivers.
Yet, releasing attachments to magical shortcuts can sometimes be a crucial step in our spiritual journey. As we mature our relationship with Life's magic, we may need to relinquish certain training wheels or costumes that once provided comfort or safety. However, beyond the fears of our wounded inner child lies a realm of deeper magic, connection, and belonging.
If you're seeking support in healing these wounded aspects and deepening your connection with life's magic in a grounded and holistic manner that honors all parts of yourself and your reality, I invite you to book a free consultation with me. Together, we can explore how I can best support you on your journey.
